The rapid changes in society have given sex and love a different look. Many people feel that love is becoming more free now, but the seriousness of love is gradually disappearing, it’s hard to love; people treat sex much more openly, but sex frequency has been reduced.
How could this happen?
Men use social applications is to more sex?
Some people think about the use of dating applications, such as male users are mostly for dating and female users are mostly out of boredom. Let’s see are these statements true or not.
Ernst Botnen, a psychologist, conducted a study on the purpose of dating applications for male and female. While people use dating apps for a variety of reasons, such as to follow a trend or simply out of curiosity, Botnen pinpointed four main points of use: seeking casual sex (dating), seeking intimacy, gaining a good sense of self, and killing time out of boredom.
The study found that there was little difference in the length of time men and women used dating apps, and indeed, men used dating apps primarily to seek casual sex, while women primarily used it to get a good sense of self, as they could present a better self-image on the app and gain some satisfaction from male attention. Men and women do not show significant differences in terms of finding relationships and passing time.
Is it easy for men to think that a lady is extending a date invitation to them?
Hold hands while walking, kissed in the street, invited to sit at home at night ...... When dating, what kind of behavior means that the other party is extending a sexual invitation? Whether or not you can accurately interpret the other person's sexual intentions is very important in a relationship.
Researchers have found that men are indeed more "narcissistic" when it comes to sexual invitations. In heterosexual contexts, men judged women's sexual intentions much higher than women's actual sexual intentions, by about 23%.
However, perhaps the discrepancy between the two is because men overestimate women's sexual intentions. But perhaps, it is also because women under-reported their sexual intentions in the study. To clarify this issue, the researchers asked some participants to assess their own sexual intentions directly based on a specific set of behaviors, while others were asked to act as outsiders first, rating others' sexual intentions based on the same behaviors, and then their own. The results showed that the latter group of women were more honest in their responses to the questions, reducing the previous difference by about half.
And women were more accurate in judging men's sexual intentions. Their judgments were only biased when men under-reported their sexual intentions, otherwise they always knew exactly what does man want.
Tired of sex is an important source of stress for current couples
Work is not as good as it should be, expensive housing prices, expensive medical care ...... life is full of all kinds of stressors, almost everyone is complaining that the pressure is too great now. And what are the main pressures couples face? A recent study shows that among the many stressors, there are four stressors that have a more prominent impact.
- Work-related stress (35%): The shift in work patterns now gives people a sense of being "always on". When they return home from work, people will still focus a lot on work-related matters, check their phones from time to time, answer emails, it is difficult to quickly adjust the body and mind to a natural state of relaxation, which can easily lead to dissatisfaction and complaints between couples.
- Tired of sex (33%): heavy life makes people feel sluggish, which is not only physically exhausting, but also mentally draining, couples have sex less and less frequently. At the same time, the reduction or absence of sex creates new stress and affects the satisfaction of both parties in the relationship.
- low sexual interest (28%): even if some people have enough energy for sex, but certain psychological make them have concerns, such as the most common is the body image anxiety, they may feel that their body is flawed, such as body has gone out of shape, or face is not good, began to age, etc. these negative self-evaluation makes their sexual interest discounted.
- Argue for money (27%): the most romantic love is difficult to ensure that two people will be able to live a good life of food and water. In the big and small spending and budget, two people often have friction and quarrel. The reason why money is so complicated in a couple's life is that it is closely related to power and can directly affect the balance in a relationship.
Last year, the results of a study can also confirm the current anxiety of couples about sex: over the last two decades, the number of times Americans have sex per year has decreased by about 15%, from 62 times per year to 53 times per year. Similar studies have been done in the UK, Australia and Japan in recent years, all showing this trend.
What is causing people to start moving away from sex?
One thing that stands out is the relationship between work and sex. Work takes up so much of a person's energy that sex gradually leans into the fringes of life. And the time of work is not directly related to people's satisfaction with sex, but mainly to people's attitudes toward to work; disgusting work has a more negative impact on people's mental health than unemployment, which can extend to their sex life.
Given the complexity of the causes, some psychologists understand the problem from a more macro perspective: the decrease in sex is related to the current level of social unhappiness. Modern society brings an abundance of material life, but people are increasingly stressed and depression and loss seem to be one of the main characteristics of modern sexuality, and these negative emotions may cause dysfunctional sexuality, making it less active than it was before.
When making love, about half of the people think of others
A British survey showed that 46% of women and 42% of men think about other people when they have sex. Many sexual fantasies are about close friends or colleagues, the people who appear most frequently in sexual fantasies have generally had sex with the fantasist themselves, and 60% of men and women fantasize about a former lover.
How do people feel about such sexual fantasies? The results show that a third of people feel that this is also a form of infidelity, while others have a more tolerant attitude. Some people feel that this behavior is just a means to enjoy sex more and don't really act on it. Many doctors will also advise men with some erectile dysfunction to learn to apply sexual fantasies during sex to adjust their physical state.
Even if such sexual fantasies are normal, thinking about the same person every time and a specific familiar person can be a sign of a deeper problem. It is also worth noting that sexual fantasies may simply be a way to escape from something if they create a sense of detachment from the sexual experience and fail to reinforce current feelings and relationships.
The more responsible people are, the more boring sex life is?
Responsibility is associated with characteristics such as self-discipline, organization, restraint and punctuality, so it is often thought to contradict the passionate, adventurous feeling that sex contains and does not have a positive effect on sex life. A study this year surveyed the sex lives of 1,000 couples and asked them to recount various types of problems that arise in their sex lives, and found that the more responsible the couple was, the more satisfied they actually were with their sex lives. Researchers say that over a long period of time together, the passionate component of sex diminishes and mutual attitudes and effective actions become more important, which may be why responsibility increases sexual satisfaction.
The more sex you have, the higher your income?
Sex can reduce a person's stress, and the oxytocin released during sex reduces a person's perception of pain and also releases hormones that help boost the immune system.
Last year, researchers at the University of Oxford found that older adults who have regular sex perform better on mental tests, with greater verbal fluency, better visual recognition of objects, and better spatial judgment between objects, suggesting that sex helps improve cognitive abilities in older adults.
The German Society for Labor Research has published a report examining the association between sex and wages and found a linear relationship between frequency of sex and income, with those who have sex four times a week earning more money compared to less frequent equivalents. This correlation may lie in the fact that those who have sex more often are happier, healthier, will be more enthusiastic at work, are less disturbed, and can make better judgments, which ultimately makes them have richer material rewards.
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