Young people who have been in relationships probably know how complicated romantic relationships are these days.
A person may claim to be single, only to find out later that the person is seeing someone, or is involved with an ex, or has another sexual partner. No matter how many relationships that go beyond just friends, as long as they are not committed to a relationship, there is nothing that prevents a person from labeling themselves as single.
So we started a small survey on Unusual Relationships and 1,000 people participated. Today we're still talking about love. But this time, it's a little different.
Demographics
| Category |
Group |
Percentage |
| Gender Distribution |
Male |
50% |
| Female |
50% |
| Relationship Status |
Single |
56.7% |
| Not Single |
43.3% |
| Age Distribution |
Under 20 |
4.3% |
| 20–25 |
23.5% |
| 25–30 |
37.9% |
| 30–35 |
23.9% |
| 35–40 |
7.6% |
| Over 40 |
2.9% |
Unusual Single
Are you single or not? The answer for young people today is definitely not a choice.
Which Kind of Single You Are?
| Absolutely single |
55% |
| Ambiguous relationship |
18% |
| Have a sex partner |
13% |
| Keep touch with ex |
8% |
| Open relationship |
2% |
| Sugar relationship |
2% |
| Get married |
1% |
| Others |
1% |
Out of curiosity, I found 2% of the respondents who chose to be single but married and asked them about their specific circumstances.
Among them, 10 thought they were mentally single, 8 had separated but not divorced, and two gave the answer of "formal marriage".
The traditional "single, in love, married" can no longer cover the emotional state of modern people. There are countless intermediate states between single and non-single.
What kind of relationship lies behind these seemingly "not quite normal" states of being single? I continued to ask why you chose this irregular single status? Here are some of their stories.
I maintained a "non-traditional" intimate relationship with my ex for almost five years. The first three years were mostly a mutually beneficial FWB relationship. He was focused on being a sexual partner, while I cared more about emotional value. Due to certain personal stories, we established a healthy cohabiting romantic relationship. However, after 10 months, he unilaterally ended it due to personality and emotional issues. For the next less than half a year, we maintained an on-again, off-again connection.
We never married and never officially defined our relationship, but we are in a de facto romantic relationship. Since we decided not to have children, earning money for retirement is very important. He has a high-paying job in a nearby city, and I'm satisfied with my current job. To maximize our earnings, we maintain a long-distance relationship. Our relationship is "open," but we have remained loyal to each other. I encouraged him to have children with another woman to solve his retirement problem, but he refused. Honestly, I'm not sure if I could accept it if he ever did.
Due to real-life circumstances, we cannot divorce immediately and must cooperate in parenting. But because we no longer love each other and have no intimate communication, I consider myself completely single both emotionally and physically.
Unusual Love
There are thousands of happy and fulfilling love affairs, and a variety of alternative love affairs. It seems that love in this world is supposed to be full of drama.
However, it is wrong to talk about "normal" or not, regardless of individual differences. Every intimate relationship develops dynamically with different life backgrounds, social experiences, and other factors. Maybe you had a crush on your teacher when you were a student, or you belonged to a sexual minority group and struggled with what others thought of you.
Unconventional Relationships Have You experienced
Platonic relationship
Mutual cheating
Open relationship
Manipulated emotionally (PUA)
Extramarital affair
Purely sexual relationship
Cheated
Sugar relationship
Multiple relationship
Living without marriage
At the same time, we also see a growing liberalization of sexual attitudes. In the survey, more than half of the young people can accept open relationships, nearly 20 percent of whom have tried such relationships, and more than one-third of whom have not experienced them but are eager to try. By gender, the data show that men are more likely to accept open relationships, but the gap with women is not that big.
Perhaps it has become difficult to have a so-called normal standard for romantic relationships in contemporary society. The pursuit of maximizing relationship freedom without violating the law or affecting others is beginning to become one of the tenets of young people's relationships.
Should you stop a relationship when you realize that it may not end well? Stuck in an unusual relationship but can't get out? Maybe you're curious about these relationship stories:
I'm a receptionist, and he was a department supervisor at the neighboring company. Once, I helped him with a small favor, and he gave me a bottle of Bulgari perfume "as a thank you." One time after work, he taught me how to play Texas Hold'em poker, and while dealing cards, his hand casually brushed against the back of my hand. One day, he got drunk and stared at me for a long time in the fire escape, then said, "Your earrings are really beautiful." It's not true that I didn't like him, but I clearly knew his social circle included a little girl about two or three years old. Now that he's gone, I still can't let go.
I know a girl who cheated at the beginning of her relationship, but the guy didn't know. They got along very well afterward. Later, when the guy found out, he said he couldn't accept it. In the end, with the girl's consent, the guy went out and hooked up once, to "even the score."
My current "husband" and I basically do our own things. He's keeping other women on the side. I found out from his spending records that he regularly goes to a neighboring county on weekend afternoons to see her. I've never confronted him. I also have a steady lover, my gym coach, but it's just about dates and watching movies, nothing more.
Unusual Breakup
A few years ago, there was a popular saying on the Internet that a competent ex had to be as good as dead. In the past few years, the presence of exes seems to have gotten stronger.
Still in Touch with Your Former Partner?
Reasons They Keep Touch With Exes
Sexual attraction
Friendship
Physical like
Still love
Understand each other
If there was a "normal" relationship, who would want to be stuck in a tug of war with their ex?
I think our relationship is still "abnormal." I can't let go of him, I don't love him, but I still want to possess him.
He's a familiar companion. I don't have to hide or pretend when we go out together.
We barely stay in touch after he got married, because he comes from a more traditional family and I don't want to cause them trouble. He was my high school first love, and we broke up peacefully because of college. After that, we've shared updates about our love lives. My current partner knows everything, and I also tell him about my ex's updates.
No matter how unusual a relationship may seem, please don't break the law, harm innocent people, or disregard social norms entirely. And above all, remember: love others, but love yourself first. Even in love, your feelings and needs matter. But by all means, please don't let yourself get emotionally hurt. If you're making yourself sad by bonding with the other person because of sex, then choose
Sohimi-- your loyal sex partner.
