Will You Buy Sex Toys For Your Son If He Asked To?

If you find a sex toy your son bought in his room, you may be to pretend you don’t know and start with sex education and guidance for him, but if your son asks you that he wants a sex toy at that time, will you still pretend not to know what he is saying?

Before taking action

Buying a sex toy for your teen can sound like a sex-positive, shame-free move, but like anything else in parenting, there are several things to consider: 

First, what talks with your teen have you fostered around sex and pleasure leading up to this? If not many, then that’s truly where your focus should be. Establishing an open dialogue with your child about sexual health topics best ensures that their curiosities will come your way as they develop, without internalizing shame. Helping them to make informed choices for themselves, versus trying to control their outcomes, is a key goal in being a sex-positive parent. 

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And when you establish open talks, you’d know whether sex toys are something your teen is even thinking about or interested in. You’d listen to what they know (or think they know) already about them, and identify areas you can supplement their existing understanding. When you acknowledge that sex toys are an option for consenting people, of all genders and sexual orientations, seeking pleasure during solo or partnered sex, it can take the taboo and secrecy out of the topic. Sex toys can be a part of exploring one’s body and pleasure, and it’s important to be open with them about ways exploration can happen without the use of toys as well. 

It’s also important to consider your own “why”, particularly if your young person has not expressed an interest in sex toys. If your motivation is rooted in your own early experiences, whether sexually repressed or sex-positive, remember that the child you are raising is on their own sexual health journey. Being careful to balance your fears, biases, and expectations is key to supporting your unique path. Buying a sex toy for your teen is not the measure of a “cool” or “progressive” parent- maintaining open-door communication is.

If it’s established that sex toys are what they want, not what you want for them, then it’s a good idea to talk about other areas to consider:

Their “why”

What’s leading to their interest in them and what have they heard or seen so far;

The types of toys and proper care, keeping and safety of using them;

Cost and safe options for securing them;

Privacy considerations, on and offline;

Related laws in your area specific to minors. This is not a decision to be taken lightly, or one that another non-parental adult or peer should be making for them or coercing them into.

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This isn’t a time for lecturing or interrogation, because sex toys are not a threat, they’re an option, and you want them to feel like they understand any options of interest to them when they feel ready. It also is an opportunity to touch bases about other topics like body image, safety in sexual decision-making, relationships, and porn. Talking about the many aspects of sexual health allows them to identify their values, comfort levels, needs, wants, and fears without shame or secrecy influencing them. They will know that they have a trusted, safe space to land as they explore their bodies, sexuality, and the world around them. 

When we keep the door open for ongoing sexual health talks and curiosities, normalize pleasure, and focus on helping our teens make informed choices about their bodies, sex and relationships, what we find is that they are better equipped for more confident sexual decision making. 

So the real question isn’t “should I buy a sex toy for my teen?” but rather “what talks am I having with my teen to help them understand facts and decide whether sex toys are an appropriate option for them?” The more comfortable a caregiver can become in seeing their most effective role as a mentor versus gatekeeper, the more they’ll find the teen in their life opening up with them. When a young person opens up, it’s an opportunity to be of influence and support their sexual decision-making in positive ways. 

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Recommendations! 

If you don’t want your son abusing any cucumbers or mixing spoons or Oscar statuettes that might be lying around your house, and if you don’t want to have to rush him to an emergency room in a few months to retrieve something that gets stuck in his ass, consider purchasing a few ass-appropriate toys for him, i.e., one or two small silicone butt plugs with flared bases. He’ll be mortified when you give them to him, but no more mortified than you were when you found those shitty tampons.

Buying sex toys for kids is a hurdle most parents can’t clear. If it’s not something you can do, then you’ll have to turn a blind eye to any toothbrushes you might find in sinks over the next few years. You’ll also want to thoroughly wash cucumbers before consuming them. 

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