I recently read that some people feel that kissing is a more intimate and loving act than sex.
This post piqued my interest, as I always thought that sex was the ultimate intimate act, and kissing was much more preliminary in comparison. Why would anyone think that kissing is more intimate than the act of sex?
In the spirit of academic research, I looked up a lot of information on "kissing" and found that there is indeed a complex and rich meaning to "kissing", which plays a key role in the establishment and maintenance of an intimate relationship.
Today we will share with you new findings about "kissing".
Note: Kissing in the context of this article refers to romantic kissing - a brief or delayed lip-to-lip contact between two people in a sexual, intimate relationship situation.
What really happens during a kiss?
A wonderful kissing experience may be, as the ancient Indian Sanskrit texts state, a process of inhaling each other's souls.
Romantic kissing is known to be a direct expression of intimacy, passion and impulsiveness (Gulledge et al., 2003).
Writer James Thurber describes "kissing" as something that may not seem like much, but in a way, it speaks a thousand words that words cannot express.
Even in a few cultures where "kissing" is less popular, partners engage in similar behaviors - sniffing, licking, nose-touching, close cheek-to-cheek, etc. (Ford & Beach, 1951). For example, Inuit would press their noses against the cheek or forehead of their favorite person and gently inhale their scent; inhabitants of the Trobriand Islands would choose to sit face to face and nibble on each other's eyelashes.
"Kissing" also implies openness and trust in the other person.
When kissing someone, you are actually inviting he/she into your own vulnerable personal space, and you feel safe in the interaction with he/she, representing the moment when "I am open to you without reservation". Kissing also means that both partners agree to take a certain risk of contracting disease (Guerrero & Andersen, 1991; Tully et al., 2006), and a 2014 study found that partners who kissed with a certain frequency shared the same microbiota on their saliva and tongue (Kort et al., 2014). In addition, kissing causes two people who are close to each other to exchange sensory information with each other through channels of taste, smell, touch, and even pheromones (colorless and tasteless chemical signals) (Kirshenbaum, 2011). For example, how is he/she physically, is he/she hygienic, does he/she smell good, how is he/she a good kisser ...... This information helps us consciously or unconsciously to form an overall feeling about he/she and can even help us to identify whether he/she It can even help us identify if he/she is the "right person".
What is the role of kissing in intimate relationships?
A hit song from the last century, The Shoop Shoop Song, repeats the lyric "it's in his kiss" to express that the signs of true love are in the kisses of lovers. It sounds a bit crazy, but research shows that the effect of kissing on intimacy is evident at all stages.
A great kiss early in the relationship signals "you might like he/she"
Research has shown that the initial kiss with a subject greatly influences the attraction to each other and the likelihood of subsequent relationship development (Hughes et al., 2007; Wlodarski & Dunbar, 2013). Interestingly, there are three groups of people who place more importance on romantic kissing in relationships: women, people with high attractiveness values, and people who prefer casual sex, and he/she is more likely to judge the attractiveness of a potential partner by the initial kiss. So what signals does this attraction manifest itself in?
"he/she smells good"
In a study on "what is most important when kissing", it was found that the feeling of the other person's body odor was the highest priority.
Kissing is essentially an exchange of smells. Smell is the only sense that sends signals directly to the emotional and memory centers of the brain (Saplakogu, 2019), so the experience and feelings of kissing are likely to be deeply ingrained in the mind. (Read here to stop and think about whether the experience of kissing for the first time with someone you seriously like is still recalled ~)
"he/she is a good kisser."
A good kissing experience promotes the secretion of oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine and 5-hydroxytryptamine, which constantly stimulate the brain's reward system, making one feel happy, even dizzy and drunk-like (Kirshenbaum, 2011). Apparently, such signals make you look forward to the next intimate encounter after the initial kiss or, alternatively, it is simply hard to stop. This feeling is similar to when you fall in love with someone, like an addiction.
If the partner is a good kisser, then the relationship will kiss more often, and it's hard to enjoy a kiss that goes sideways or bumps frequently.
Research has shown that kissing is most important before sex in short-term casual sex relationships, which seems to indicate that good kissing skills contribute to sexual arousal in short-term relationships (Wlodarski & Dunbar, 2013).
A significant proportion of people do not like to have sex with people who are not good kissers
Hugh Morris, in The Art of the Kiss, suggests that just as bees land on fragrant stamens and sip nectar, so should you sip nectar from between your lover's lips.
Judging he/she's expectations of the relationship in relationship development
During the developmental stages of a relationship, he/she's expectations of the relationship can be judged by he/she's attitude and willingness to kiss. Women are more likely to use kissing to assess their partner's level of commitment throughout the relationship (Hughes et al., 2007), such as whether he/she responds positively to the need to kiss, pays attention to your experience and feelings, or whether he/she is serious and attentive to such intimate moments.
Partners who want to develop a long-term relationship are more likely to want to keep kissing as often as they need to, as a way of communicating their feelings, rather than thinking of every kiss as a "prelude" to sex.
If he/she is still willing to have some intimate care and interaction after intercourse, then at least it means that he/she expects more from the relationship than just a physical connection and expects more from you than just a sexual partner. Research has shown that post-coital kissing can be better for maintaining relationships (Hughes & Kruger, 2011).
Stable relationships express signals of intimacy and caring
Kissing each other in a long-term stable relationship produces greater intimacy (Hughes et al., 2007) and is also very stress-relieving (Floyd et al., 2009). Then when kissing takes on a more emotionally supportive, communicative, and expressive function in a relationship, kissing may move away from the act of kissing itself and become a signal for the partner to show care and affection to the other person. After a certain frequency of kissing is maintained in a relationship, both partners' satisfaction and commitment to the relationship will increase.
How to do a good kiss?
See here, we must be clear about the importance of kissing to the relationship, then how to be considered a good kiss? To give you 4 tips ~
- 1. Take time to focus on kissing.
This is really important. Not only does not concentrate on kissing, does not play a role in expressing emotions, and may even cause conflicts, will make the other party feel that you are not concentrating on kissing, must not like, and do not care about he/she.
And a good kiss can pull in each other's distance, for partners who do not have time to have too much sex, kissing is not the best choice to enhance the relationship.
So, you can kiss your partner well when you are in a more relaxed mood and not thinking about work. In addition, you can also develop some daily kissing habits. For example, say goodbye with a kiss every morning when you go out to separate; or say good night with a kiss every night before you go to bed. Especially after sex, a good kiss expresses that you have not only desire for each other, but also deep love, which helps deepen your sense of psychological connection.
- 2. Explore the real thing, without deliberately pursuing "kissing skills"
A good kiss is one that belongs exclusively to two people. It requires mutual consent and respect, as well as interaction and cooperation from both parties. Some people will prefer a passionate deep kiss, others like a gentle shallow kiss, in addition to licking kisses, bite kisses, wet kisses ...... ahem, in short, we can slowly explore the favorite positions.
The "raw" kiss doesn't matter, the important thing is to "review", both sides can honestly express the good and not so good part of the kiss feelings, and gently propose how the other side can do better. Here are some ways to explore.
"Did you like ____ I just did it?" "Next time we can try more/less ____" "Is it okay if we do ____ and maybe try it again next time?" "I'm not quite sure how ____ feels, maybe next time it would be better to do it less like this?"
Experience and skill are secondary to the best kiss, the one that both you and he/she enjoy.
- 3. Focus on the communication after the kiss
After the end of a short or long kiss, the psychological distance is still very close, such an ambiguous moment, the communication between each other is very important.
After the kiss we can talk about feelings. For example, look into he/she's eyes and ask, "How did it feel just now?" ; also encouraged to express their feelings directly, "like you bit my lips...". Perhaps at this time, you are not quite sure what to say but still want to express how happy you are, or you can express your love in other ways - squeezing he/she's hand, stroking he/she's hair, or giving he/she a big hug.
If you notice that he/she is down today and may have something on his mind, then after the kiss is the best time to greet and care for he/she. In a safe atmosphere, it is easier to reveal and confide your true feelings, and the support at this time will make the relationship more intimate.
- 4. Practice with blow job sex toys
When you are alone, you can use this blowjob toy from Sohimi to practice your kissing skills. Of course, it is also a good masturbation partner. Its sexy lips are always tempting you and it close contact, not only lips, it also has a tongue and teeth, the degree of reality so that you close your eyes simply can not distinguish reality. In addition, the realistic 3D tunnel inside can bring you unlimited stimulation.
I think the most important reason for choosing to kiss with he/she is that KISS allows you to experience true intimacy and joy. Kissing someone you like is a wonderful thing, enjoy it ~
Floyd, K., Boren, J. P., Hannawa, A. F., Hesse, C., McEwan, B., & Veksler, A. E. (2009). Kissing in marital and cohabiting relationships: Effects on blood lipids, stress, and relationship satisfaction. Western Journal of Communication, 73(2), 113-133.
Ford, C. S., & Beach, F. A. (1951). Patterns of sexual behavior.
Guerrero, L. K., & Andersen, P. A. (1991). The waxing and waning of relational intimacy: Touch as a function of relational she/shege, gender and touch avoidance. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 8(2), 147-165.
Gulledge, A. K., Gulledge, M. H., & tahmannn, R. F. (2003). Romantic physical affection types and relationship satisfaction. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 31(4), 233-242.
Hughes, S. M., Harrison, M. A., & Gallup Jr, G. G. (2007). Sex differences in romantic kissing among college students: An evolutionary perspective. Evolutionary Psychology, 5(3), 612-631.
Hughes, S. M., & Kruger, D. J. (2011). Sex differences in post-coihe/shel behaviors in long-and short-term mating: An evolutionary perspective. Journal of Sex Research, 48(5), 496-505.
Morris, H. (1936). The art of kissing. New York City.
Kirshenbaum, S. (2011). The science of kissing: What our lips are telling us. Grand Central Publishing.
Kort, R., Caspers, M., van de Graaf, A., van Egmond, W., Keijser, B., & Roeselers, G. (2014). Shaping the oral microbiota through intimate kissing. Microbiome, 2(1), 1-8.
Saplakoglu, Y. (2019). Why Do Smells Trigger Stronger Memories. Live Science.
Tully, J., Viner, R. M., Coen, P. G., Stuart, J. M., Zambon, M., Peckham, C., & Booy, R. (2006). Risk and protective factors for meningococcal disease in adolescents: matched cohort study. Bmj, 332(7539), 445-450.
Wlodarski, R., & Dunbar, R. I. (2013). Examining the possible functions of kissing in romantic relationships. Archives of sexual behavior, 42(8), 1415-1423.